One of the things I constantly teach my 3 children (and my business clients, for that matter) is the idea that you can’t complain about things you’re not willing to change.
I believe that being personally responsible for everything that happens in your life is the cornerstone of having a great life.
Being personally responsible means that you understand that you are fully in control of your life and results. That you create your life with every action you take, and at the same time, every action you don’t take.
And the opposite of taking personal responsibility is to blame others, make excuses for your circumstances (or anything outside of yourself, really) and complain.
In my business, I have the privilege of being in contact with hundreds, if not thousands, of people every year.
And one of the interesting phenomenons I’ve discovered over the last 20 years of observing people is that the people I work with who become really (and I mean really) successful are those who take total responsibility for their results, either personally or professionally.
They take responsibility for the positive results and the negative ones, in equal amounts.
Conversely, those who blame, make excuses or complain never really create exceptional results or an amazing life. They stay stuck and unhappy.
Now…where’s the lesson here for you? How can you use this nugget of wisdom to advance your life and reach your potential for greatness, in everything you do?
Let’s start with an exercise.
Think about the things you complain about in your life or your business. And notice whether you have a thought pop into your head that sounds something like…
“Yeah, Fabienne, you don’t understand. That [insert your thing here] is happening/not happening because of this [insert “reason” or “excuse” here] that isn’t within my control.”
Yup. I used to do this too.
When it’s other people’s complaints, we can see their blind spots, beliefs and fears at work. But when it’s our own, our ego and defense systems do their work and do it very well. Our complaints feel justified…to us at least.
Recently, I was on a Q&A call with a woman who was complaining about not having enough clients in her business. I asked her what she’s specifically doing to market her services in a bigger way than she usually does.
“Oh,” she said, “I don’t like marketing, and frankly, I don’t have time. I’m too busy, and besides, I blah blah blah. ”
And a dear friend I adore has been complaining about an aspect of her relationship. I asked her if she had had that difficult conversation with her partner that we’d talked about.
“Well, no,” she said. “I don’t want to cause him more stress. He’s really busy at work and this would make him upset.” Yup, got it.
But here’s the deal:
If you understand the laws of metaphysics (that what you put attention to, good or bad, materializes in your life) you will know that complaining about a thing reinforces its existence in your life. You are giving energy and power to something you don’t want.
And on a more practical level, you are (I’m sorry, I’m just going to go there) giving your power away to the point that you no longer have any control.
Here’s what you must understand. :)
If you’re not willing to do the marketing, or have the difficult conversation, or get to the gym, or invest in the training that will improve your career…
…then you simply can’t complain about the results you’re experiencing.
You can, actually.
And most people, in fact, do.
But that’s not what highly, highly successful (and happy) people do, in their careers or their lives.
And I don’t think you want to be like most people. I think you’re here because you’re smart, you’re special, and you want to experience something very, very different than what you’re currently experiencing.
And that’s what a Boldheart does.
A Boldheart accepts responsibility for shifting their situation, for getting help, creating new results, taking back their power and, well, doing something. (This dramatically changed my life.)
And the place to start creating a really great life and getting to the next level of whatever you’re working on, if that’s what you want, is to do something about the things that don’t please you.
So, let’s start there. Without blame or shame, let’s have you make a list right now of the things that you currently complain about.
Then, let’s have you look at what you could do differently to create new outcomes. Yes, you.
There’s a way. There always is, and that “way” will change your life.
Go for it.
You’ve got the power,
P.S. Go ahead and share this quote:
Such a simple truth but one that has been difficult to implement for me. Those defense and excuse mechanisms do indeed go into action. I have mastered the concept of NOT taking personal responsibility. That changes today. Thank you for this awesome reminder!
Thumbs up, Tony!
Thank you my friend!