5 ways to be more confident as a woman

I’m dropping in with today’s new video to talk about confidence. It’s a topic that many ask me about, as if they believe I’ve always been confident. Well, if you know my past, you know that it was something I had to work on. And it has grown over the last half of my life. 

And these days, no matter where I go, lovely people who’ve been following me for a while or who see me speak sometimes come up to me and say, “I’ve been watching you for years, I love your content, I love your personality, but what I am most inspired by is your level of confidence. Fabienne, how are you so confident?”

I think this is actually a super funny question because I did not used to be confident. In the past, I let people trespass me and take advantage of me and I did not believe in myself. This affected every aspect of my life. 

But when I realized how powerful it is to have confidence, I started cultivating it within myself. The more I did, the more things turned around in my life. I hope the following is helpful if you too have at some point struggled with this or know someone who does:

Your confidence is key to your progress, whether in life, business or relationships. For me, it comes down to five things. (Watch the video now to hear me talk about each one.) 

1 – Focus on your strengths.
A lot of people bring themselves down by saying, “I’m not good enough at this, I’m not good at that, I’m not as good as her or him at this,” but I’m not interested in your weaknesses. I’m interested in you strengthening your strengths, and really focusing on that

One of the ways that I became more confident was to say, “You know what? I’m really good at these things, and I’m not so good at those things, but I’m just going to focus on these things and making them better and better.” 

You might journal about your strengths, or just write a love letter to yourself. (I know this could sound cheesy, especially if we’re talking in a business context, but it’s super, super important.) 

2 – Celebrate your accomplishments daily.
I have a process that I use, that I share with the members of our program on a daily basis: I celebrate my wins for the day (and they could be really little, it doesn’t matter, I’m celebrating my accomplishments).

I don’t know if you’re an achiever, like me, but I’m always thinking about what I haven’t done. My to-do list is probably as big as yours; the dreams that I have for myself are big (like yours?), but it’s so easy to not make those things happen. 

If you can focus on what you did accomplish, it gives you a boost of confidence and gives you the energy to move on to the next project, the next task on your to-do list. 

3 – Manage your self-talk.
This could possibly be the most important! What you say to yourself is more important than what anybody else says to you. 

Maybe when you were little – below the age of seven – people who were authority figures in your life like teachers or parents, or people you respected and looked up to…maybe their words were more important than yours in the beginning. And maybe they said things that eroded your confidence, even if they didn’t realize what they were doing. Maybe you created meaning about your worth based on what they said, like I did, and you started speaking about yourself in a disparaging way. 

Problem is, today, as an adult, your self-talk determines your confidence

If the words you’re using to describe yourself aren’t encouraging or loving, we’ve got to change them! Instead of saying, “What’s wrong with me? Oh my god, you’re such a loser! I can’t believe you did that again,” etc, just say, “I’m doing the best I can. I am getting better every day, in every way,” and just think about talking to yourself the way you would a child whose confidence you want to boost.

4 – Protect your energy by keeping naysayers at bay.
There will always – especially if you decide to grow in your business, income, or impact, if you begin to do big things in the world – there will be people who will say, “Oh, you’re such a dreamer! Don’t get too big for your britches. Why do you have to have so much, or go for so much? Aren’t you happy with what you have?? What are you trying to prove, anyway??” 

Negative comments from others can be real confidence killers, and I can smell a naysayer a mile away. I have set up boundaries in my life, and I can teach you how to do that so that they don’t affect you anymore. 

There will be a point at which their comments will bounce off of you as if you were wearing a big white balloon around you. Boing! The negativity from others will just bounce right off of you!

5 –  Surround yourself with other confident people, other people who boost you up as you will boost them up.
One of the secrets to what we do here at Boldheart is that we create this community of people who are non-judgmental, who believe that a rising tide lifts all boats, and we celebrate each other’s accomplishments. 

We high-five each other virtually and support each other unconditionally. It’s a deep part of our culture here. Why? Well, when you surround yourself with highly supportive people, you begin to be more confident in yourself. And that’s when you stop doubting yourself and instead, you begin to take decisive action in a way that you haven’t necessarily taken action before. 

So when people say to you, “Whoa, you are so confident. Where did you get your confidence?” It’s by doing these five things. 

They may seem simple, but it’s about doing them daily.  Some people might say, “Oh, I’ve heard that before.” But are they doing it daily? The key is to be consistent. 

I hope this helps with anything you want to achieve in your life, or perhaps someone else can use this. If so, forward it to them.  

Sending you so much love. xo

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